Author: Azn_melz25
Title: 5/5
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It
was to the point and it also gave the readers a hint on the plot.
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SHINee
lovers would definitely be attracted to this story.
Poster/Background/Design:
5/5
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Honestly,
I didn’t like the GIF. I loved it~ ^^
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It
was not too fanciful, and it showed the main characters very clearly.
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The
background was not too distracting. This is important as you want your readers
to focus on your story.
Description/Foreword: 10/10
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Your
description was clear and didn’t reveal too much it spoils the story. Good
work!
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It’ll
be even better if you added their ages too.
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The
description would interest readers as they would wonder what events would
happen.
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Hahas,
about the foreword… Yes, I have subscribed and commented ^^
Characters: 12/15
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You
were able to describe the characters’ personalities on a surface-level very well.
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More
work is needed on in-depth characterization. Meaning, show the readers the
characters’ beliefs, dreams, etc through their thoughts, actions, reactions and
more.
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Their
emotions were portrayed, and their feelings for the people around them were
also shown.
Plot: 21/30
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The
storyline was quite predictable.
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Perhaps
you could have changed the part where Taemin, Minho and Key falls for Minhae. The
three of them need not have the same tastes. More description would be needed
if you wanted to show what they each liked about Minhae. This isn’t easy as
your descriptions of the characters cannot be merely on the surface. Why is
Minhae so special to Taemin? Why is she so special to Minho? Why is she so
special to Key? And the most important: Why does she love Key so much? Why
wasn’t she aware at all?
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Also,
there’s too much kissing going on. Try to cut down on the kissing or it’ll lose
its intended impact.
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On
another note, it was good that you kept your scenes short and sweet. Scenes and
storylines that are too long would drag the story.
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You
planned for your storyline, which is excellent. Planning is the first step to
every good story.
Flow/Pace: 4/5
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The
flow was smooth, but the pace was quite fast. You can slow things down by
adding more descriptions.
Writing Style: 7/10
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You
have a light-hearted, enjoyable writing style.
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You
were able to make it seem as if you were narrating the story to your readers.
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A
suggestion: Try to drag scenes by “freezing” time in your mind. Making certain
scenes longer and more descriptive leaves an impact on the readers. You can do
so for the accident.
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The
points of view were clear.
Originality/Creativity: 3/5
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It
was original, but you have to try to think of more plots. For example, don’t
stick to the usual accidents. Creative plots are highly encouraged. Like what I
usually say, don’t care about how crazy your storyline might seem, just go
ahead and use whatever comes to mind. Creativity helps bring out your story,
and makes it special and different from other stories(:
Punctuation/Spelling/Tenses/Grammar/Vocabulary:
13/15
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Is
it just me or is it that your story is the first I’ve reviewed that doesn’t
have any typographical errors? O.O EXCELLENT WORK!!!
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There
were some careless mistakes in your sentence phrasing here and there, but the
rest had no problems(:
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Your
foundation in vocabulary is there, but it’ll be better if you could expand your
range of vocabulary.
Bonus: 2 marks
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Pictures
provided in story(:
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You
checked your work (I didn’t spot any typographical and tense errors).
Marks Achieved: 82/100
Grade: B+
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Corrections
There were no typographical errors,
and I didn’t spot any errors in your tenses. Excellent work! ^^
Side Note:
You did an excellent job on a whole. I think writers should never
give reviewers any chances to mark them down – especially for their title, foreword,
punctuation, spelling and tenses. You managed to meet this criterion. A big
round of applause! Keep up the good work~ ^^
♥ cheonsa
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