Author: mushroom_soup
Title: 3/5
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The
title suits the story. It would catch the reader’s attention as it not like the
usual love letters, confessions, letters written before they pass away, etc.
-
I’ve
seen the title before, not just from what you mentioned of your professor (it’s
quite a common topic) so I couldn’t give you marks for originality.
Description/Foreword: 7/10
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You
provided the necessary information and didn’t reveal too much.
-
Questions
are helpful in gaining the reader’s interest as they would be curious what
would happen next and what Sandara would write to herself. A job well done!
-
It
might be better if you typed who the characters were and their basic details (there
might be the few out there who are new to the couple Daragon), genre of the
story, etc under the Description section. The part where you mentioned where
you got your inspiration from should have been under the Foreword section.
Characters: 14/15
-
Readers
are able to, just by reading your story, gain a basic knowledge of the main
character (like her preferences).
-
Sandara’s
personality, her tendency to think into the details of each and every issue,
was clearly described to the readers and not merely told.
-
Her
emotions towards events when she was 16 was portrayed, along with her current
(26-years-old) feelings towards her sixteen-year-old self.
-
Little
was shown about Jiyong’s feelings though, so you could have stated that he was
a minor character (under the Description part)
Plot: 19/30
-
The
plot was done well because you were able to make the story interesting despite
it being a letter as a whole.
-
You
managed to show how she was a loner, and how that made her stronger as it made
who she was at 26-years-old.
-
In
reality, few people who would bother to make friends with a loner, but it is still
possible. However, the part where a popular guy would notice her and all is
just too similar to the many fan-fictions out there. It lacks originality.
-
About
the knight in shining armour, it only makes the letter seem more and more like
those unrealistic fantasies fan girls have. (But I guess I can’t fault you for
that. Which girl doesn’t fantasize about her idol noticing her among their
millions of fans? Writing about such stuff would without a doubt garner you
more readers.)
-
There
seemed to be a lack of information. Your plot makes it really limited, as you
said that details couldn’t be shared so as to not change what would happen to
the 16-years-old Sandara. This is a great obstacle as it makes your plot really
brief and mostly on the surface of things. It would cause your plot to lack
substance.
-
On
the bright side, though, the cold jokes weaved in gave a humorous edge and that
helped make the plot more light-hearted. It brings the 26-years-old Sandara to
life, and makes it more than a mere narration. It helped bring out the story.
Flow/Pace: 5/5
-
The
flow was very smooth. Simply put, it was excellent. There were no breaks in the
story.
-
It
didn’t move too fast/too slow. The pacing was just right.
Writing Style: 10/10
-
It
was very conversational, and it draws the reader in.
-
You
managed to let the readers relate to the lessons Sandara learned.
-
You
have a light-hearted style in writing which is a plus as you managed to wield
that skill in such a way it captures the reader’s attention.
Originality/Creativity: 1/5
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Lacked
originality as such storylines have been used before many times.
-
Plot could
have pulled this marks up but because of the limitations (details couldn’t be
shared so as to not change what would happen to the 16-years-old Sandara) and
the typical popular guy noticing the poor, lonely girl in the corner storyline,
it only pulled the creativity marks down.
-
Most
fan-fiction authors write about love letters, etc and this was somewhat
different. Hence, the one mark.
Punctuation/Spelling/Tenses/Grammar/Vocabulary:
14/15
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I
didn’t see any punctuation mistakes. Apostrophes, commas, etc were used
correctly.
-
Tenses
were correct.
-
Your foundation
in vocabulary is there, but reading more and using more good words wouldn’t
hurt.
-
There
were no errors in spelling except for a few typographical errors.
Personal Enjoyment: 3/5
-
I
enjoyed it as a whole, but the storyline was really too common. Perhaps you
could try being more original. Keep writing, it will help you think of new
ideas(:
Marks Achieved: 76/100
Grade: B
~~~~~~~
Corrections
No corrections in
this case as all I saw were typographical errors. It’s your plot’s originality
and creativity you need to work on. Try to prevent limitations on your plot. Avoid
the popular-guy-falling-for-that-pathetic-girl-in-the-corner syndrome. Many
fan-fiction writers have overused that storyline.
Side Note:
I think
you can do better than this so I was quite strict when marking your plot. Your
foundation in English is there so why not start stretching your limits? Who
cares if your idea sounds crazy? Have fun and come up with a creative and
original plot~
♥ cheonsa (a.k.a aingeal1004)
~~~~~~~
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