Authors: junhyung-lover and volleystarpop
Requested
through ~~♡♥♥Super World
Shop♥♥♡~~
Title: 4/5
- It is eye-catching, and
gives the reader a hint on the plot.
- I would have given full
marks if it was a new title. This title has already been used before.
Poster/Background/Design:
3/5
- The poster was pretty, but
it doesn’t suit the genre. You mentioned in your request that this story’s
genre is angst, but the poster looks bright and more suited for a happy story.
- It wasn’t excessively
designed and the main characters were shown clearly. It’ll be much better if
Junhyung was the main focus of the poster together with Eunmi, as he is the key
main character.
- The colours of the poster
blended well and it wasn’t glaring, etc.
Description/Foreword: 7/10
- Necessary information were
not shown (Genre, basic details like the ages of the main characters, etc.)
- You managed to target the
right audience as the description would interest readers who like Junhyung.
- One thing to note, not all
countries call co-curricular activities ‘CCA’. Even some schools in Singapore
- Your description didn’t
have revealing information that could spoil the story, which is good(:
- Your foreword achieved its
purpose as you communicated with your readers there.
Characters: 13/15
- The personalities of the main
characters were well-defined, but it’ll be better if it was more in-depth and
not merely on the surface-level.
- Emotions of main characters
were shown.
- Feelings main characters
have for others around them were expressed well.
Plot: 21/30
- The plot doesn’t fit the
genre you gave. If the genre is angst, then the focus should be on Eunmi’s missing
parents. If that was your main intention, then do so, instead of focusing so
much on Junhyung and Eunmi’s love story. You can only do so much at one time.
- Kingkas and slutty Queenkas
again? Try to go for more creative and realistic plots. 95% of the writers in
AsianFanFics write about Kingkas noticing that ordinary girl in the corner and
b*tchy Queenkas getting jealous. I didn’t mark you for this part, though, as I guess
every fan girl fantasizes about their stars noticing them (despite them having
thousands of other fan girls out there). Everyone wants to be special to their
stars, no?(:
- A basic outline could be
seen from your storyline. This is good because planning is important.
Flow/Pace: 4/5
- The story moved along
smoothly.
- There were no breaks, but
they were missing information in the story as you suddenly changed your focus from
Junhyung and Eunmi’s love story back to her lost parents. Try to focus on one
at a time.
- Excellent work on your
pacing ^^ It was just right.
Writing Style: 8/10
- You did a lot of telling; more
showing would be better. E.g. Describe how the characters feel, etc.
- You adds actions and body
language into conversations, which is a plus(:
- You switched from different
points of view well.
- You have a light-hearted
style of writing. Have you considered the genre comedy? You’ll do well writing
such stories ^^
Originality/Creativity: 2/5
- The story wasn’t
copied/adapted from other sources.
- You lost marks when marked
under creativity.
Punctuation/Spelling/Tenses/Grammar/Vocabulary:
10/15
- There were no problems in punctuation.
- There were some
typographical errors and errors in tenses. E.g. ‘has’, ‘have’ and ‘had’.
- You have a basic foundation
in vocabulary.
Bonus: 4 marks
- Overall, I enjoyed the story,
except for the sudden switch from their love story to Eunmi’s missing parents,
and back to their love story again.
- I also added marks as I
couldn’t tell much from the story. It’s incomplete, but I’m sure if you focus,
you’ll be on the right track and it’ll turn out to be an interesting story.
Marks Achieved: 76/100
Grade: B
~~~~~~~
Corrections
I skipped this part as you only had
errors in tenses and a few typographical errors here and there. I didn’t spot
any problems in your structuring of sentences. Good work! ^^
Side Note:
Your writing is quite good. Keep it up! ^^ What you need to do now is
to work on your story’s plot. Come up with new ideas and use them, no matter
how crazy they might seem(: Creativity is key.
♥ cheonsa
~~~~~~~
No comments :
Post a Comment