Author: littletea
Requested
through Purple-Sashiin
Purple-Sashiin
Review Rubrics
Title: 4/5
-
The
title was really interesting and eye-catching.
-
However,
there was a missing punctuation. You have to write it as ‘Taeyeon’s Line: Do
Not Cross!’ or ‘Taeyeon’s Line – Do Not Cross!’ to separate it clearly.
Poster/Background: 9/10
-
The
characters were shown and the quality of the pictures in the poster was
standardized.
-
The
title was distinct as it was written on the yellow tape.
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Perhaps
you could try to make Jaejoong more obvious as he’s one of the main characters.
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The
background was good as it was plain and the reader would be able to focus on
the story without and distractions.
-
It
would have been better if you chose a background colour that’s not similar to
the poster as the similar colours makes it seem quite dull. The poster is
really nice so you should try to make it stand out from the page.
Forewords: 6/10
-
An
excellent introduction to the story. It persuades and convinces the reader to
continue following the story. Questions help in this aspect too.
-
I
think it’d be much more concise and organized if you wrote the characters and
some background information (e.g. age) under a heading and the introduction
below it.
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Also,
what is the genre of the story?
-
Forewords
are extremely important. Avoid typographical, grammar, capitalization and
punctuation errors at all costs.
-
Lastly,
try to sound less conversational. One way to do so is to reduce the number of
brackets used. Brackets are usually used for impact and punch. Try to refrain
from using brackets throughout the whole passage.
Plot: 10/15
- The ideas you had for this
story were really creative. However, you have to plan. When I read it, I
couldn’t see who the antagonist and protagonist is. Try to avoid this as you’ll
lack focus. A story needs to have direction. You have to choose the girl meant
for Jaejoong and stick to her (unless there’s a twist in the story). Having a
focus and an ultimate “destination” would prevent you from stumbling along the
story. I’m not saying you can’t write about the other girl, but that you could
show the readers why she isn’t suited to Jaejoong, etc.
- It was interesting how you
showed the characters’ reactions when faced with changes.
- You were able to move
between scenes really well.
- I noticed that you typed
some lyrics, etc at the start and end of each passage. It was good that you
added those lyrics(: Try to make the link between those lyrics and your story
more obvious. This helps bring out the reader’s emotions and makes the story
more engaging.
Creativity/Originality: 15/15
- Excellent work on
creativity. I didn’t really like the idea of an arranged marriage, but you were
able to write it in such a way it doesn’t affect the originality of the story.
A round of applause for you~!
- It was an original storyline,
but you are drifting quite close to a typical love triangle so do take note and
make sure your story doesn’t end up like the usual “X-loves-Y-loves-Z”.
Flow: 8/10
- The flow was not bad, but
the switching of the different scenes and points of view made the story quite choppy.
- However, the pacing of the
story was just right(: It wasn’t too fast nor too slow.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary:
8/10
- No problems in spelling
except for a few which were most probably typographical errors.
- Some grammatical errors
here and there. Most, I presume, were careless mistakes.
- Your vocabulary had no
problems. You didn’t use any words inappropriately/incorrectly.
Characterization: 10/10
- No problems spotted for
characterization. They were clear, in-depth and well-developed.
Writing Style: 8/10
- Interesting and engaging writing
style. All you have to work on now is having direction. Give hints to the
readers on your intention (which basically means focus and move towards an
ending you want).
Overall Enjoyment: 4/5
Sub-Total:
82/100
Extras: 5/5
- You made the poster
yourself! ^^
- I think adding lyrics, etc
to your story was a good idea.
Total: 87/105
~~~~~~~
Side Note:
You
have really good ideas(: There’s always room for improvement, but you are already
on the right track. Keep it up~! ^^
♥ cheonsa
~~~~~~~
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