Author: yoshiruxbubbletea
Title: 3/5
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Interesting
and unique title.
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No
such word as ‘Undreamy’. Put inverted commas/quotation marks to denote a word
you’ve created yourself.
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Missing
capitalization.
Poster/Background/Design:
3/5
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The
quality of the poster was standardized, which is good(:
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The
font of the words on the poster didn’t suit the mood of the story. The story is
fluffy, so cute and bubbly words would be more appropriate than cursive.
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It
should be ‘A dream you wouldn’t want to wake up from!’ and not ‘A dream you
wouldn’t want to wake up!’.
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The
characters were all shown.
Description/Foreword: 9/10
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The
description was clear, short and sweet.
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The
foreword was good as you were able to communicate with your readers and get
them to read more.
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It
would have been better if you provided some details on the main characters.
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Some
errors in your use of words (e.g. ‘whole different world’). Be careful not to
make such mistakes as your Description and Foreword is what readers would read
first.
Characters: 10/15
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Your
characterization was not bad. You were able to show their personalities.
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The
characters’ emotions were portrayed. Their first impressions and feelings for
people around them were also shown.
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You
can try to be more in depth in the characterization. Most of what you’ve shown
is on a surface-level. To do so, you could try reducing the number of characters
in the story.
Plot: 18/30
-
Interesting
and unique plot. You were able to capture the reader’s attention and keep them
engrossed in the story.
-
It
was really creative as the main plot gives a lot of possibilities and angles
for you to write on. You could write a lot as the setting is in dreamland and
anything is possible there.
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Imagination
was evident in your plot.
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The
plot was sufficient to keep the story going on, but it would have been better
if you had a direction. Meaning: Have a storyline and not merely a plot. Some
parts of your story were quite draggy. Imagine if you’re writing about ordinary
people and if the setting was in real life. Nothing really goes on in your
story if that’s the case.
-
Other
than that, you did fine~ Improvements are of course necessary, but at least
you’re on the right track(:
Flow/Pace: 3/5
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The
flow was smooth, and I didn’t have to re-read any parts to comprehend what was
going on.
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The
pace was rather slow. You can try to write more exciting scenes in the story.
Writing Style: 7/10
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You
are able to form scenes and show it to the readers. Try to show more and tell
less.
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The
characters’ points of view were developed.
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Try
to work on your pace and paragraphing, and I’m sure you’ll do much better. You
have the potential to write.
-
Emoticons
are strongly discouraged as writing comprises of description. Describe how the
characters feel.
Originality/Creativity:
4/5
-
It
was both original and creative, except for the lack of a storyline. As the
story is incomplete, I can’t really grade this part, but I do hope you’ll add
something (like a twist) to spice up the story.
Punctuation/Spelling/Tenses/Grammar/Vocabulary:
12/15
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There
were some typographical, punctuation and grammatical errors.
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Your
vocabulary and tenses were fine.
-
Some
words were used incorrectly.
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You
had no problems in your spelling.
Bonus: 2 marks
-
It’s
a really interesting plot(:
Marks Achieved: 71/100
Grade: C+
~~~~~~~
Side Note:
You
have creative ideas and were able to keep the audience engaged. Keep up the
good work! ^^
♥ cheonsa
~~~~~~~
