Secret Silence

She ran. The moonlight cascaded down on her back like her tears, which flowed swiftly down her face. Lost in the hedge maze, she ran blindly. Memories flashed past with every dead end she met. It was like a story with no end, an aimless searching. But perhaps it wasn't the end she was looking for, but a place to hide, to escape. A place with only her, and silence. Silence which comforts and envelopes one in its arms like a blanket would. She searched for warmth, but also for the cool of the night, when the breeze blows gently on her face. She was like a beautiful mess, her personality clashing with her actions and thoughts. She wept, but within, she felt calm... Silent.

Review: Chinese Exchange Students

Author: Ayu

http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/TA6/contents.shtml

Requested through Novice in Tomboyism

Novice in Tomboyism Review Rubrics

Title: 5/5

-       The title was unique. It gives a hint to the readers on the plot, and also manages to catch the attention of readers as it’s not a title commonly seen.

Forewords: 9/10

-       The foreword was able to provide information on the plot and characters without revealing too much.

-       It was clear and organized, and it managed to fulfil the minimum requirements.

-       A warning was given stating that there was explicit Yaoi content.

-       It would have been even better if you listed the pairings in the story.

Plot/Originality: 17/20

-       The storyline was quite similar to typical high school stories.

-       The plot was not bad as you had direction. Meaning, your story has a storyline which seemed to be heading towards an ending, which is good. (This also helps your story’s flow.)

-       You were able to portray and use the characters in your plot well.

-       You managed to separate different scenes clearly throughout the story.

-       Full marks for originality.

Flow/Pacing: 7/10

-       The flow was smooth.

-       The pacing was quite slow for most of the story, but it was still acceptable on a whole as it wasn’t to the extent it bores the readers.

-       Some of your sentences need brushing up. Try to avoid writing very long sentences, as the tendency to have errors in long sentences is higher, and long sentences slow the pace. You can write a few short sentences in-between to help avoid that.

Grammar/Spelling/Format: 25/30

-       There were some grammatical errors. For example, you are supposed to write in the past tense.

-       Paragraphing errors can be seen throughout the story. You need to begin a new paragraph when a character speaks. Other than that, the format had no problems.

-       Spelling and typographical errors were little to none. Good job~! ^^

-       You made sense in and out of context.

-       More description (show, don’t tell) is needed.

Characterization: 18/20

-       The characters were well-developed despite having so many of them.

-       The characters’ feelings for others around them, and the way they react to situations were shown.

-       Readers are able to get a basic background of the characters simply from reading your story. This is very important in characterization.

-       The characters’ personalities were consistent.

-       One thing though: their flaws weren’t really shown.

Bonus: 3/5

-       I love YunJae. Hahas(:

-       Your explicit Yaoi scenes were at least passable.

Grade: 84/100 B

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Reviewer’s Note:

You could try requesting for posters. A poster that looks professional could get you more bonus marks. However, it was still a good effort on your part. As for your writing, you can write well(: The only thing I’d suggest is that you try to move the pace along. It was quite slow. Other than these, it was a good story. All the best in your future works~! ^^

♥ cheonsa

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Happy New Year~! ^^

I know it's kinda late to post this up (as I just came back from Korea) but I really LOVE this graphic. Many thanks to my dear santa Sensei @ //♔ ℜavenous Ŧemptations! *gives tight hug* ❤
It's beautiful, right? ^^ Hyukjae~!! ❤